Your Feelings Are Information: How to Name Them, Understand Them and Choose What Happens Next

Have you ever said, “I’m fine,” when fine was not really the truth?

Maybe you were disappointed but did not want anyone to know. Maybe you felt embarrassed, left out, overwhelmed or unsure. Maybe anger showed up first because it felt safer than admitting that something hurt. Feelings can be complicated, but they are not wrong. Your emotions provide information about what you are experiencing, what matters to you and what you may need. You do not have to ignore them, become controlled by them or explain them to everyone.

You can learn to notice your feelings, name them and choose how you want to respond.

Look Beneath the First Feeling

The emotion people see first is not always the deepest one. Imagine that your friends post pictures from a gathering you were not invited to. Your first reaction might be anger:

“They are fake. I don’t care anyway!”

But underneath that anger, you might feel:

• Rejected • Embarrassed • Lonely• Disappointed • Hurt• Confused

More than one feeling can be true at the same time.

Try asking yourself:

1. What actually happened?

2. What emotion showed up first?

3. What might I be feeling underneath it?

4. What am I noticing in my body?

5. What do I need right now?

You might realize:

“I saw pictures from a gathering I wasn’t invited to. I feel angry, but I also feel rejected. My face feels hot and my jaw is tight. I need time to calm down before I decide whether to talk to my friend.”

That is emotional intelligence in action.

Feelings Are Real, but They Are Not Instructions

Feeling angry does not mean you must send the text.

Feeling embarrassed does not mean you should disappear.

Feeling nervous does not mean you cannot try.

Feeling hurt does not mean you have to hurt someone back.

Your feelings deserve attention, but you still get to choose your response.

That is where your P.A.U.S.E. Power comes in.

Chhhiiiile, Press P.A.U.S.E. #TapIN

P — Pause

Give yourself a moment before reacting. Put down the phone. Step away from the conversation. Count slowly, take a drink of water or give yourself permission to respond later.

A — Air

Breathe in slowly and allow your exhale to last a little longer. Try breathing in for four counts and out for six counts. Repeat this three times.

U — Understand

Separate the facts from the story your mind may be adding. Fact: My idea was not selected by the group.

Possible story: Nobody respects me or thinks I am smart. Now name the emotion and body signal:

“I feel hurt and frustrated. My chest feels tight.” The story may feel true, but it is not always the same as what actually happened.

S — Select

Ask yourself what you need and select a response that protects your peace, dignity, safety or relationship.

You might need:

• A moment alone• More information• A private conversation• Help from a trusted adult• A clear boundary• Time before making a decision

E — Express

Communicate clearly and respectfully when it is safe to do so. You could say:

“I want an opportunity to finish explaining my idea before the group decides. Can I have one minute?”

Calm communication does not mean pretending nothing happened. Calm gives you enough space to decide what happens next.

Create Your Own Calm Toolkit

Different tools work for different situations. Your personal calm toolkit might include:

Breath Work: Try this reminder: “Smell the cocoa. Cool the cocoa.”

Grounding: Press both feet into the floor and name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste.

Reframing: Replace an unhelpful thought with something kinder and more accurate:

“One mistake does not determine who I am.”

Reach Out: Contact a trusted person:

“Can we talk when you are available? I need some support.”

Your tools should help you return to yourself—not avoid something that needs to be safely addressed.

Try the Two-Week EmpowHER Challenge

Over the next two weeks:

1. Use one emotion word besides fine, mad or sad.

2. Practice P.A.U.S.E. during one real situation.

3. Ask a trusted person what strength they see in you.

4. Notice one moment when your first emotion may be covering a deeper feeling.

5. Write down one thing you learned about yourself.

6. Bring one personal insight—not someone else’s private story—to the next EmpowHER session.

Remember This

You can feel nervous and still be brave.

You can feel angry and still respond with intention.

You can need support and still be strong.

You can change your mind when you receive new information.

You never have to share a private experience just to prove that you participated or understood the lesson. P.A.U.S.E. is a coping and communication tool. It is not a substitute for safety or professional help. If you feel unsafe, someone is harming you or a situation feels too big to manage alone, tell a trusted adult who can help. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

Take a Moment to Reflect

Complete these sentences privately:

Today I understand this about myself.......

A feeling I can name more clearly is.......

One tool I will try before reacting is......

One truth I want to carry with me is......

You are still learning. You are still becoming. And you are already worthy.

You are still learning. You are still becoming. And you are already worthy.

This kind of work — learning to notice, name and honor what you feel — doesn't happen alone. It happens in circles like this one, held by people who believe girls deserve real tools, not just good intentions. If this workshop stirred something in you, Emerging Gracefully: A Young Girl's Guide to Navigating Puberty with Confidence, Courage & Grace was written for this exact season — where your body, your feelings and your sense of self are all changing at once, and you need language for all of it.

Continue the EmpowHER Journey

KNOW HER: Feelings Unleashed is Workshop 1 of the EmpowHER™ Series for girls ages 12–18.

The series is hosted by Pac Cares Community Foundation and presented in partnership with Women Divine, NFP, Empower You, PERIOD! and the City of Dallas Office of Arts and Culture.

Stay connected with Women Divine, NFP:Instagram: @womendivinenfpEmail: womendivinenfp@gmail.comAdditional resources: www.empoweryouperiod.com/blog

EMPOWER • EDUCATE • ELEVATE